Nancy

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 13:43:16 -0800

Finnegan takes flight

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 13:30:14 -0800

Yesterday, we all went to Discovery Park in Seattle which overlooks Puget Sound. It was a perfect day and Doug taught Finnegan how to fly a kite. Finn was soo cute. He ran all around with his kite yelling, "Woo Hoo!" It was a moment that I will always remember.

Elijah goes back in time

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 12:21:05 -0800

About two weeks ago I met another photographer who specializes in vintage children's photography and it's been so much fun getting to know her. The first time I visited her, she kept showing me all of her props, samples, clothing and I was giddy with joy. All I could do was laugh and laugh because I was realizing a chapter in my photography.

Yesterday, Elijah modeled for us while we tried to take photos of him. Now that he can walk, he runs out of frame and laughs at us. He was even teasing me. But, I know what motivates him. He will sit still for treats and then he smiles

sweetly, demurely and shyly at the camera and he is just so darn cute! I'm totally biased, but he's my little boy.

Here are some of the out takes from the his first vintage photo shoot.

Elijah is Two!

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 15:20:12 -0800

My little boy is two years old! How does the time go so fast. Just two weeks ago he learned to walk and now he's running all over the place. He's so happy to be on his feet. He runs with a big smile on his face while holding his
Batman figures and little teddy bear. He's soo cute!

My sister, I'll keep her

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 15:12:59 -0800

My sister Barbara is still looking for a job, anywhere. This week she flies to Vancouver, BC to interview with some volunteer organization that works in Mongolia. That's right, Mongolia! She better take lots of warm clothing.

It's been more than seven months now that she's been looking for work. Each month is more difficult than the last because more people are getting dumped off the rolls and into the job-seeking market. Still, she persists. So, now she's considering going to the other side of the world to volunteer and learn more about textiles and marketing. I'll now she'll do a great job, but she'll be so far away.

I enjoyed having Barbara round because I had someone to talk to, go out with and commiserate with. She taught me the finer points of selecting the perfect cupcake and she learned about being around toddlers.

Sometimes, siblings don't always get along, but if we just accepted each other for who we are, we wouldn't be trying to change someone and causing conflict. We may not always agree on the same things, but I do admire her
talent for languages and desire to travel the world. I hope she gets the job and then I can go to Mongolia too!

Families are like flowers, they bloom in different colors and varieties

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 10:13:34 -0800

This past weekend, Doug and I were escorting Finnegan to two birthday parties and socializing with the other parents in attendance. It was a great experience because I was able to learn more about each parent who I otherwise pass in the hallway at Finn's daycare.

There were some same-sex parents, hetero parents, exhausted parents, and proud parents, but most importantly they were loving parents. For some reason, I didn't feel like interviewing everyone or to start every conversation. I was much more quiet and because of my posture, I learned more about some special people who are just trying to make the world a better place for their children.

One child, Isaac, has two mommies. His mothers are soo attentive and cognizant of his special needs. Isaac has Aspberger's Syndrome. He has difficulty making eye contact, speaking and socializing, but he does remarkably
well with all the other children. He was just another kid at the table enjoying pancakes and drinking milk. I admired his parents for their love and devotion for him. They knew that he was a special needs child when they adopted him and they are rich with the love that he brings into their lives.

Calen is four and he has just learned to walk and talk. His parents are both doctors working in Seattle. Calen is a survivor. When he was 10 weeks old he was injured by his babysitter which left him paralyzed for over a year, blind and with hearing problems. But, having seen him on many occasions, I didn't even suspect his challenges. I always noticed the way that his father kept him close and showered him with hugs and kisses, making me think every time that they had a special relationship. Now, I know that his father was cherishing Calen's achievements and rewarding his efforts with affection. His parents are so down-to-earth and happy. They are remarkable people and I look forward to getting to know them better.

Jacob is a four-year-old spitfire. His infectious smile is ever present and he's just adorable. Jacob's parents adopted him when he was four days old. They said it was a whirlwind experience because they didn't think that it would happen so fast and they weren't ready, but they were so happy and still are. Jacob is really lucky because he has two wonderful mothers who dote on him and care for him so well. I admire them because they are both scientists doing good in the world and they are just like the rest of us, trying to make the world better for our children.

When we were at Jacob's house, I felt a great sense of peace and acceptance. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I fit in with this wonderful bunch of people. As I looked around the room and watched all the women taking care of their children, I realized that women do have a profound impact on each other and the world. There was no one-up-manship taking place nor was their any sexual rivalry that takes place when the sexes socialize. I noticed that Doug was even socializing with ease, he's usually very reserved around people he doesn't know.

If everyone could share the same experience that we did this weekend, there would be fewer people in the world who think that children raised by same-sex parents is wrong. What children really need is parents who love and care for them regardless of gender.

Birdsongs

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 11:16:50 -0800

I'm not sure what it is exactly, but I feel different today.

There is an unfamiliar calmness that surrounds me and buffers me from the ills of the world. Maybe it's the absence of newscasters spouting the terrible maladies befalling mankind that aren't weighing heavily on my mind?

Maybe it's the sound of Spring bringing back the songbirds that are outside my window?
Or is it the bright green shoots that are peeking their heads from beneath the once frozen humus?
Perhaps its the ever increasing minutes of daylight that fill the once gray gloomy skies?
It could just be that I haven't noticed the passing of the seasons with as much intensity as I do now?

This morning I could smell the salty air, I could hear the many different avian arias
and I watched the pale pink sun rise while looking out the kitchen window.
The atmosphere outside is warmer and lighter, not as cold and heavy as before.

Maybe it's that I've been sleeping so well lately? I fall into a dreamless sleep like a hibernating bear without sensing the world around my bed. (Except when Finnegan or Elijah make a sound.)

Maybe it's all of these things, that so often go unnoticed, but serve to remind us that Spring is just around the corner.

Enjoying the simple pleasure of walking about

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 23:50:51 -0800

Since December, Elijah has been doing occupational therapy in order to start walking and after two months of hard work on his part, he is now officially walking! He really started cruising around about two weeks ago and then last week he just started walking longer distances and this week he's walking all over the place.

Today, the kids were home with me, so we went to get some haircuts. Elijah loved going to Wallingford Center because he now has a different view of the world. He can see so much more. He kept walking up and down the main hallway to check out all the businesses and once he caught a glimpse of the cupcake store he wanted one right away. But, it was time for his haircut and he threw a fit because he wanted a cupcake. Luckily, the hairstylist had a sucker to distract him and a box of Star Wars toys. He settled down very quickly and the haircut was a success. Then Finnegan took his turn and he is sporting a very handsome hairdo.

They are soo cute! I just can't stop staring at my boys. I keep telling myself that I need to take more photos of them, but I just want to sear the memories into my brain forever. He and Finnegan and becoming much better playmates. Yesterday we went to the park and they were swinging together and laughing like crazy, just enjoying the moment. It was heaven. I must say, "you are so cute," and "I love you so much," about one hundred times a day. Usually, I get stressed out and tired after a full day with both kids, but I've been with them 24/7 for the past three days and I'm not going crazy. I feel happy.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel happy and content with my life. I'm not suffering from any chronic pain and I can keep up with the kids. There are no pressures or demands on me and I don't have to rush around for anything or anyone. Can it be that I'm finally starting to get the hang of motherhood? Or am I just so in love with my kids that nothing else matters?

Whatever it is, I like it.

2008 Christmas Letter

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:16:07 -0800

It’s been two years since our last Christmas letter, so, we will give you a two-year update.

In 2007, we welcomed our youngest son, Elijah into the world. He was born on February 27, 2007. That's a lot of two's and seven's. It must mean something lucky. Doug & Finnegan were very excited, I was relieved and exhausted. He weighed 9 lbs, 10 ozs! For the next three months we survived on a few hours of sleep a night and I went back to work at the photography studio after six weeks, only because I was able to bring him to work with me.

Finnegan continued to attend school three days a week and became even more fascinated with super heroes. To date, he has about a bazillion action figures of Batman, Obi Won, Superman and many more. Sometimes, I'll come down the stairs to find a dozen or so super heroes lying on the ground as if they were fallen comrades in some tragic battle--it's a super hero graveyard.

In August, we ventured to the Treder Family Reunion in Berlin, Wisconsin where Elijah was baptized and introduced to the entire Treder clan. It was a wonderful visit, but we didn't get to eat as many bratwursts as I would have liked. Instead, we had tons of fun looking at family photos and visiting with all of our favorite people. One highlight of the trip was that Mike Treder managed to rent a B&B for all of us to stay together. It was great to watch the kids play together and have a home base for everyone to stay.

In late September, my business partnership at the photography studio ended. My partner decided she wanted the studio for herself, so I left and concentrated on being at home with the kids. It was a hard transition, but now I'm into a new routine and doing photography in the Seattle area. Now, I only work when I want to.

That brings us to 2008. We started the year off by going to Hawaii in late January with our friends the Swartzs and the Graybills and we rented a house on Maui for a week. The weather was really great, snorkeling was awesome and we discovered that it rains really, really hard in the rain forest. Hence the name. We found a great beach where we relaxed and enjoyed watching Finnegan roar above the din of the crashing waves as he chased the water from the shore. Elijah discovered the sand and he loved digging his fingers and toes into it all day long.

In March we were lucky to have visits from my Mom, Dad and Doug's dad, Mike. We all went on a fun wine tasting trip and ended up getting caught in a Spring snow storm which made wine tasting even better!

As Spring turned into Summer, we started taking the boys on various family outings around Seattle and are now members of the Seattle Children's Museum, The Zoo, The Aquarium and other child-friendly activity centers. Finnegan and Elijah are good buddies as they share a great love for Batman, Star Wars and super heroes. There are daily disputes over ownership of Batman, but they are little boys after all.

On October 4, Doug’s youngest sister, Mary Ann married her love, Paul in Sturgis, Michigan on a quaint farm surrounded by friends and family. Finnegan and his cousin Luke were ring bearers and inspired much laughter when Finn tucked the ring pillow under his arm like a football and beat a hasty path to the altar. Luke was a little more sullen as he drove his fists into his pockets and meandered down the aisle. Finn was rewarded with another action figure when he handed the ring pillow off to the best man and he quietly played through the rest of the ceremony. Elijah didn't know what was going on, except that he wanted Finn's new toy. For my part, I photographed the three-day affair with the assistance of Al Treder, Doug's uncle.

For Halloween, Doug made a mini storm trooper costume for Finn. Of course, he did his Trick O' Treating at Amazon.com and was the envy of all Doug's coworkers. Now he wears the costume as least four times a week. November 5 is Finn's birthday and due to work & school schedules we ended up celebrating his birthday several times; at school with cupcakes on Nov. 5, at dinner on Nov. 7 and then a party with all his little friends at our house on the 14th. Now, whenever Finnegan sees a cupcake he starts singing "Happy Birthday" and asks if it's his birthday. Why not?

So, here we are, Happy Holidays 2008. The snow is falling and today we went sledding and enjoyed the sounds of Elijah's laugh and Finnegan's squeals of joy. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year.

Much love,
Doug, Nancy, Finnegan & Elijah

The update

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 11:52:11 -0800

I can't believe that it's been so long since the last update. Someone was asking me about the blog and I realized that people actually read this thing. So, here goes.

Well, the past year was a lesson in humility and listening. I had to learn that I can't do everything I want to do because my family has to come first. I have such and independent streak in me that I tend to push toward my goals and try to make everything else work and that causes problems. The studio situation was a good example of that.

Finnegan is four-years-old now and he's definitely a little boy. I see lots of Doug's characteristics in him and am amazed at the power of nature vs nurture. There are some traits that run very strong in Doug's family and it's not a high mitecloriant count either.

I am no longer bitter about the studio business, but I won't forget it either. And if or when I run into my former business partner, I'm not sure how I'll respond to her.

Stop whining

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 13:52:16 -0800

No that's not a command to put down your glass of favorite merlot, it's something that I am going to try to do for 30 days. Somewhere in the US a pastor challenged his parish to try not complaining for 30 days. They did it and they discovered that instead of feeling bad about things they started to rectify the matters that were bothering them.

So, I'm going to try it. It will be hard, but anything worth doing is never easy.

Can people really spit nails when they are really, really frustrated?

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 16:46:28 -0800

You that saying, "life's a bleep,bleep, bleep." Well, I would change it to "life's a very, very, mean, unhappy, dissatisfied person you meet, become friends with, help her as much as you possibly can and then she stabs you in the back!"

I feel like an idiot because I wanted to be nice and civil and it didn't get me anywhere. Whatever happened
to "what comes around, goes around." I don't really believe in it anymore. It's just a saying we use to make ourselves feel better for being mistreated by others. I hope I don't treat people the way I've been treated by Hilda.

As Pooh would say, "oh, bother."

Collapse of an empire

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 21:41:20 -0800

The date on my last blog entry was about nine days before everything fell apart for me at my studio Artis Photography north of Seattle. The events were so distressing that I couldn't bear to reveal my disappointment until now.

On September 27, 2007 my business partner and I had a conversation about changing the way that I contribute to running the studio. It was getting harder for me to cope with working 50-60 hours a week while taking care of Elijah at the studio. Elijah was teething and having a very difficult time coping with the pain because he just was not in a comfortable setting. Consequently, his pain led to a nursing strike which lasted about three weeks leaving me very sleep deprived, exhausted beyond fatigue and badly bruised from Elijah biting me every night. It was a difficult time for all of us. I was totally burned out. I had been working for over a year without pay and I just couldn't give 110% anymore. The situation at the studio was very busy with the high school senior rush and my business partner Hilda* was very stressed out about the business.

Unbeknownst to me, Hilda had been talking with her mother, Gertrude who was visiting at the time and had decided that it was time for me to leave the studio. So, that afternoon just before her mother stopped by the studio to have a "heart-to-heart discussion business woman to business woman. As soon as she uttered those words I knew that the conversation was going to be a one-way affair. Gertrude said, "The studio is no place for a baby. It makes people uncomfortable. Your clients are uncomfortable, your employee is uncomfortable and Hilda is uncomfortable." "The place of business is not a place for a baby."

As you can imagine I was incensed. How dare she tell me that my child is not welcome in my own business. When Hilda and I started building the studio we had our kids there all the time because we were moms. And every mother who came into the studio always told me, "Good for you, for bringing the baby with you." However, when I mentioned this to Gertrude, she was unphased.

Gertrude proceeded to make me an offer. "The whole reason made this trip to Seattle was to take care of this. You need to leave the business and I'll take over your financial responsibility for the studio, but you need to go. It's just not working anymore." I never saw this coming and here I was getting ambushed by Hilda's mother. Then she said, "If you don't walk away, I will get a lawyer and take legal action to remove you from the business."

I was so upset that I just wanted to scream at her and Hilda, who was not present. I couldn't believe how gutless she was for sending her mother to fire me. It was just incredible.

After Gertrude left, I locked the front door and put up the closed sign and cried. I was so distraught all I could think of was, "How could this be happening to me?" I had put my heart and soul into building this business and in a few minutes have it all taken away from me.

I cannot describe the full extent of my anger at that time because it flooded over me like a hot flash. I was shaking with frustration and probably because I had not eaten lunch and was burning up all of my energy. Without
hesitating, I began packing my photography equipment because I knew that I was no longer welcome at the studio. Just the day before our employee Remy*, had been incredibly rude to me which forced me to call Hilda and tell her that I would fire Remy unless she gave a good reason not to. I learned later from another employee that Hilda had been complaining about me to Remy for several months and thus had poisoned her opinion of me.

I collected my cameras, portable lighting equipment and anything else that I could fit in my car. I didn't take about $9,000 worth of my equipment because I knew that Hilda would need it for photo shoots. I was still feeling loyal to the business and did not want our customers to suffer.

Driving home that night was really hard for me because I needed to be safe. Elijah was in the car with me and his presence kept me from doing something irrational. But, I have a whole new understanding for people who succomb to roadrage or drive their cars off of embankments. I believe that when someone intentionally hurts themselves it's because they can control the situation.

I got home and Doug, Paul and MaryAnn were starting dinner and I was very quiet. Everyone was talking about their day and then asked me how I was doing. I said, "Well, I got fired today." Jaws dropped and everyone said, "what?" I said, "Yup! That's what I said too." It was a total shock.

There wasn't much point in telling the whole story because it wasn't going to change anything and I was too exhausted to relive it at the moment. All I wanted to do was sleep.

The next day, I felt really depressed and knew that I needed to get some help. It suddenly dawned on me that I was suffering from post-partum depression. Weeks of sleep deprivation, long hours at the studio, inadequate nutrition and fatigue were weighing heavily and I needed help.

Calling my primary physician didn't get me anywhere. Everyone was booked up and the assistant suggested that I go to the emergency room. Yea, right. I'm going to walk into an emergency room and tell the nurse that I am really stressed out and I need help. They would call me a risk and put me in psych ward. I know how that movie ends. What I really needed was sleep, which was so elusive to me. So, I did the next best thing. I doubled up on my medication and went out to be among other people. I went to a photography workshop with Elijah. And guess what? Everyone thought he was the cutest thing and they wanted to be photographed with him. Finally, we were welcomed by people who didn't mind having a baby in the work place.

Several days went by and Hilda never called me or emailed me to check up on my situation. After ten days I contacted Hilda about getting the rest of my photography equipment and she didn't answer my emails. On October 25th, I met Hilda at the studio to sign some paperwork to remove my name from the lease. We had the paperwork notarized and I told Hilda that I would be back on Sunday when the studio was closed to pick up the rest of my equipment. On my way home I stopped off at Wells Fargo and closed out my business credit card account and took my name off of the other accounts and gave Hilda financial control of the company because there was no way that I could go back.

On Sunday, I went back to the studio to pick up more of my equipment and my key did not work. Then Hilda came to the door to let me in. I was very angry and asked her when she was going to tell me that she had changed the locks. "It only just happened and I just didn't have time to tell you." Sure, it did. I found out later that as soon as I signed the paperwork she called the locksmith. She said that since I was no longer on the lease she did want to worry about me leaving the door unlocked and she didn't want to wonder, "What if, what if? And you are no longer on the lease." My response was, "Well is Remy on the lease? Why does she have a key and I do not? Hilda didn't say anything because she knew I was right.

I told her that I felt like I was being made into the bad guy here and she had the stupidity to ask, "Why do you say that?" I said, "Well, let me see. I was the one who was asked to leave the business and not return under threat of legal actions." Once again, she was silent. I really wanted to start yelling at her, but her kids were there and I just didn't want to upset them. So, I collected what I could and left the studio.

It's been several months now and I still have not received the rest of my equipment. As a matter of fact, I just received an email from Hilda's lawyer telling me that my equipment is no longer on the premises. Well, I guess
that I should consider it stolen.

Celebrity sighting

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 13:25:27 -0800

On Friday, Sept. 14th, I photographed Martin Sheen who is one of my favorite actors. Not only is he a great actor and tireless activist, he's also a very nice person.

MaryAnn and her new friend, Martin Sheen

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 13:05:19 -0800