April 2007 Archives

Weight: 117 lbs
Waist:

Aches & Pains: My feet are hurting a lot especially when I first stand up in the morning, it must be plantar fasciitis. Upper back and shoulders hurt quite a bit too.

A Date Night: On Wednesday, Doug and I went out to dinner at La Spiga in the Broadway neighborhood downtown. Dinner was hosted by Doug's boss, Col the founder of IMDB. The food was very delicious and the wine was fantastic. It was so nice to be out on a date and having a grown up conversation about things other than poopy diapers and amounts of food eaten by Finnegan. I felt pretty in my dress and beautiful hairdo. We must do this more often.

Finnegan: Shouting is the new method of communication for Finnegan these days. We can't have a conversation any more at the dinner table. At times it's a cacophony of voices trying to out do the other to be heard. The comic strip, Family Circus is reallys starting to make sense to me.

Studio: Well, I'm pretty much back to work full-time. I've been there every day this week and trying not work six days. I am working Saturdays because it's such a busy day and we are starting to get more and more clients every week.

Elijah:

Weight: 116.5 lbs
Waist: 34 inches

Aches & Pains: Not too bad this week. Lower back, right ankle, hips and some headaches.

Studio: This week I was supposed was pretty tough at the studio. First, Finnegan was sick on Monday afternoon and I had to pick him up and he could not go to school on Tuesday, so he went to the studio with me.

When I got to the studio I found Rachele lying on the couch and looking really bad. She was suffering from a migraine and a really bad cold. She had the same viral infection that had put me in the hospital a couple weeks before. The rest of the day was spent taking care of her until someone could take her home.

The next morning Rachele called me and said she had been in the emergency room all night. After that, I had to run the studio all week by myself and take care of all the photo sessions. It was interesting photographing people while breastfeeding Elijah. It was a bit of a challenge, but everyone was great. One mom held Elijah for an hour while I photographed her son and another dad rocked Elijah while I photographed his son. The parents purchased about $2000 worth of photos, so we did pretty good.

Finnegan: After reading several of Finnegan's daily reports from his pre-school teachers, we are concerned about his behavior. He's been spitting, tackling friends and acting up at home. Everyday he gets a time-out at least two times at home. We've decided that he needs to spend more time at home with us and starting in May he will only go to school for three days and one day with Doug and one day with me.

I know that he's just trying to deal with adjusting to a new baby and not being the center of our attention. I'd probably feel the same way.

Weight: 115 lbs 8 oz (two pounds from pre-pregnancy weight)
Waist: 32.5 inches (6.5 inches from pre-pregnancy size)

Aches & pains: lower sacrial illiac region and upper back between the shoulder blades.
Some headaches and muscle aches.

Visitors: This week my mom came to visit and it was nice to let her dote on the baby. I actually went to the store without any babies and it was liberating. I felt some freedom, but a little bit guilty. Not too guilty to go a few errands now and again.

My mom totally loved meeting Elijah and it was so nice to see her have fun with him. We were doubly blessed this week as my Grandma Rose and Aunt Betty from Post Falls, Idaho traveled over the pass to visit us. We had a great visit as it was Grandma's 84th birthday and she enjoyed meeting her Great Grandsons. We are very excited about having them in the Northwest. For so long, I've not been able to visit
them and now they are just a four hour drive away.

Work: I haven't done much work this week except to go to the studio for a few hours at a time and make some phone calls. However, next week I'll get back to the studio for three full days. I'm still real tired during the days.

I photographed my first wedding this week and I felt really rusty when we were getting started. After about an hour, I captured a great candid moment and then I felt better. Then before the reception we photographed the bride and groom in some really great romantic situations and I felt creative again. I was very excited about it and they could tell that the photos would be great.

It was a long day of shooting and I sprained my ankle at the reception site just before the family photos and it hurt really bad. Two days later and it still hurts. My camera was damaged in the fall, but I wasn't concerned about it. That's a first. Usually I go down protecting the camera, but this time I needed my hands to break my fall and the camera took force on the lens.

Sleep: Elijah is doing very well. He nurses at 11:00 p.m. and then again at 3:30 - 4:00 a.m. and again at 7:00 or 8:00 a.m. He's a good sleeper and I'm getting some rest at night. He's had a cold this week, so we have to suction the mucus out of his nose at night and then he goes back to sleep.

Outlook: I'm feeling pretty good both physically and emotionally. I don't watch much news and stick mostly to the discovery channel and a few cop shows. I'm trying to maintain a sunny outlook on the world.

Doug: He's doing pretty well, considering that we've had lots of guests visiting us and now he can relax.

Finnegan: He's still adjusting to being a big brother. He wants to nurse whenever the baby is nursing and he loves to have a pacifier in his mouth. I guess he's reminding us that he's still a baby. While we try to maintain a schedule for Finnegan things do arise and he doesn't like it, but we always try to give him lots of attention and it's working.

The other thing I've noticed is that he's testing us more and more by acting up and stressing his independence and he's been getting a couple of timeouts every day. The good thing is that "time outs" aren't too hard on him and he gets the message.

It's been a good week.

Weight: 122 lbs
Waist: 33 inches

Average night's sleep: 5 hours. Usually wake up at 3:30 and fall back to sleep around in 6:00 a.m. and then nap for about an hour or until Finnegan wakes up.

Aches & Pains: Upper & lower back, knees and neck pain. I think that most of the pains are due to not sitting up correctly while nursing. It's hard to get vertical at 3:30 in the morning because I know that I won't be able to sleep once I wake up.

This week started out pretty good. My energy levels were picking up and I went to the studio on Thursday, Friday & Saturday. I didn't really do any photography until Saturday so, I concentrated on taking care of issues that Rachele needed me to do. When, I actually picked up the camera, I felt really rusty. Mostly because my energy levels are low and so is my creativity.

On Friday I started to experience a lot of neck, back and stomach pain. Saturday morning my neck pain was quite intense and required some pain killer to alleviate it.
The other aches and pains exacerbated my sleep problems and I felt very sleep deprived which meant that I needed a really long nap on Sunday.

By the late afternoon on Sunday I felt the need to go outside and do some yardwork. So, I pruned the wisteria vines in the back yard and raked up the leaves. Doug did all the heavy lifting and it felt good to breath the fresh air.

This morning I went to the OBGYN for my four-week checkup. After the examination and telling the doctor about all my aches and pains, she told me to take it easy for at least 4-6 more weeks. She thinks that I may have pulled a couple of stitches which would explain my abdominal swelling and pain. She told me not to lift anything heavier than the baby. I was over doing it.

State of mind: It's especially important for me to be aware of my emotional state because I had post partum depression pretty bad after Finnegan was born. For the past 4-5 days I've been feeling sad and helpless. I watched the movie, "An Inconvenient Truth" and it made me feel like the world is coming to an end and nobody cares. Then I saw a story about a little boy's heart wrenching reaction when his father returned from Iraq and it made cry and cry every time I thought about it.

Then I started thinking about being an older mom and it suddenly hit me that if I'm lucky, I might have 40 years with Finnegan and Elijah. This thought scared me because who will be around to help them? Who will care about their world? What will their life be like? What will their future hold? Will they live happy lives or will their existence be one of suffering and struggle?

These questions make me so sad because I love them so much and my hope is that they grow up to be happy people, but I also want them to have a future to be happy with. I want the power to make a change. The power to convince people that we need to act now to prevent the rapid deterioration of the environment. But, I feel helpless against the political regimes that use sound bites, pseudo-science and fear
to keep the average person distracted enough to ignore the real issues that will impact our lives 20-30 years down the road. The evidence is all around us we just have to choose to believe the truth and not the rhetoric intended to keep us frightened into complacency.

After I told all of these things to the OB she said that my feelings were natural, that it's part of our nature to want to protect our children. She had the same kinds of thoughts after the birth of her child. She did caution me that if my feelings of sadness get worse to call and get some treatment for it. And she said that it might be better be more PollyAnna right now and watch happier things on TV. It's nice to have a doctor who understands what moms go through.

I'm not sure if I feel any relief, but I do feel better knowing that someone else knows how I feel.