February 2007 Archives

Date: February 27th, 2007
Waist: 43.5 inches, increased over 17 inches. Will it go back?
Weight: 148 lbs, gained 36 pounds.

I couldn't sleep very well last night because of all the thoughts and worries running through my mind. Mostly I was worried about Finnegan. Last night was the last evening that he would be an only child and the recipient of all our love and attention. I relished every minute that he was curled up in my arms sleeping peacefully.

When he woke up he was so cute with his tossled curly hair and cherubic face. If only children would stay like this a little longer. They grow so fast.

This morning I cried when Doug took him to the Wilson's house to go to school. Finn looked so happy running down the sidewalk with his smiling face and airplane in his hand. He's such a good little boy and already I miss him. I just don't want to spend a night away from him. I've only spent one night away from him when I was in the hospital. I hope he settles in tonight and isn't scared because both Doug and I are gone.

Well, it's almost 8 o'clock and I need to get ready to go to the hospital. I'm a little bit worried about the surgery and of course I hope everything goes well with the baby.
It's exciting to have another baby, but I feel mostly sad right now. I know that I'll feel a lot different when I'm holding my new little boy in my arms.

Doug has been really great these past few days. He's done everything around the house preparing for our month of babydom. He shampooed the carpets downstairs and they look fantastic. He washed clothes, cleaned the whole upstairs, scoured the kitchen, went to the grocery store every day and took care of Finnegan. I was really nice to let go of all those duties and sit for a while.

This is it. The next time I write about the baby, he'll have a name and he will be in our arms.

Waist: 43.5 inches, yikes!
Weight: 147 lbs! It doesn't seem possible.

Cravings: gyoza, fried wontons, chicken soup, pickles, rice, cookies, carrot cake

Activities: Other than trying to get some final photography work done, I'm not doing much of anything.

Mobility: I move like a three-toed sloth, really, really slowly. My body is so swollen that I can barely move and my belly actually sticks out about a foot from my body. My legs are like tree trunks and it's very hard to bend in the middle. Last night my legs were so swollen that my socks put really big dents into my ankles. It didn't look pretty.

My hands are very sore and swollen, especially the right one and I can't squeeze anything either. I constantly use the jar opener for everything. Last night I kept waking up because my right hand was tingling and it was really painful. Someone told me it's like having Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, which I hope I never get. The one benefit of being puffed up is that my face looks younger and that's good for an over-40 mom.

Finn started fulltime pre-school this week and I was really hoping to have this week to myself to get ready for the baby. I entertained thoughts of taking naps and pampering bubble baths, but no such luck. We have been plagued with colds for about two months and it's just getting worse. Doug has a really bad cold and actually went to the doctor today for antibiotics to avoid infecting the baby. We just don't want him to get sick right away. Finn caught a terrible cold when he was three weeks old and we were so worried. I actually stayed up each night just to watch him breathe.

Monday was a holiday, so no school for Finn
Tuesday he wend to school and was fine
Wednesday he got sick and I had to go pick him up.
After a visit to the pediatrician who determined that
Finn had a cold and an ear infection.
Thursday he couldn't go to school due to fever and coughing
Friday - you guessed it, he stayed home with fever and coughing.

Today I went to the OBGYN and the baby is measuring at 43 centimeters or 43 weeks!
She said that he'll probably be a nine-pounder. Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!!!

Waist: 43" Oh, my God!
Weight: 145 lbs

Cravings: Egg salad sandwiches, soup, Chinese food, french fries, Doug's famous scones, milk, chocolate

This week I've been trying to wrap up all of my obligations at the studio and I've done pretty well. I was able to get the marketing plan and materials done for the next few months and and take care of some burning issues because Rachele has to handle the business for the next six weeks.

At home however, I'm not at successful. The place is a mess and I just don't have the energy to clean or organize things. Although I have started to do some cleaning while Finn is occupied. For example: while he's in the tub, I cleaned the bathroom. While he's eating, I managed to straighten up the dining room and clean up the living room.
As for the kitchen, well I do the best that I can. I'm so used to having everything clean that it's hard to walk past the dust bunnies and crumb covered countertops. Forget about vacuuming! Out of the question. As much as I love to clean the carpets, they will remain in their current state for a while.

Maternity photos: We all went to the studio to have our family portrait done and my maternity photos before we have one more little one. The session went pretty much like any other family I worked with. I was a little bit stressed about the way I looked and Doug was busy chasing the highly energetic Finnegan around the studio. And I thought my family would be different! Hah! It's nice to know that we are just like everyone else.

It was a good experience for me to be on the other side of the camera for such an important photo session because it put me in the shoes of my clients. Rachele made us feel very comfortable and she was very patient with us. The photos turned out great. I of course think that I look really huge! Which I am, but the images really are beautiful. There are some really great ones of Doug and Finn playing. I just love them.

Mobility: With the aid of the pain patches my life has changed dramatically. I no longer have to crawl around the house and I can actually get things done. Thank goodness for modern medicine. I am very slow and it's hard to roll over in bed or to find a comfortable position while sitting, but we are almost at the end.

Stretch marks: Just when I thought that I would escape this terrible over stretching of the skin, I noticed stretch marks on my belly. It was quite upsetting and I immediately told Doug that I was going on strike. No more strenuous activities until after the baby is born.

Stretch marks happen to just about everyone and mine aren't too bad. I just won't be able to compete in any bikini competitions, but they're over rated anyway. I'll just look at them as my badge of honor for being able to have another wonderful child in my life.

About two weeks ago I entered the local photographic competition sponsored by the Seattle Professional Photographers Association. I really wanted to compete because the competition was being run by the national standards used by the Professional Photographers of America and all the judges had national experience which meant it would be a good competition.

After getting four of my favorite images ready for the competition, Rachele, Corri (our apprentice) and I all attended the long night of watching and learning.

There were lots of great entries and I didn't know how I would do, but then one of my prints scored an 84 and the judges really liked it. After that two more of my prints received scores over 80 and I knew that I had done well.

At the end of the night awards were distributed and to my surprise, I received the highest aggregate score for all of my prints, the best wedding image, the best pictoral image, the best female child and a judges choice award. I was amazed and delighted.

The most interesting thing about the whole night was that all the photographers kept telling me how much they loved my work and this was coming from all the photographers I've admired for the past eight years. It was a nice moment for all of us because Corri was very excited to be working with a respected photographer and Rachele was inspired to get into print competition too.

I've always strived for the best in photography and journalism. In the Army my work was recognized with many awards and it's because I wanted to be the best that I could be. As a civilian I can do the same and have it benefit our studio and clients.

I believe that we have to strive for the best otherwise it's just not worth the effort. Last December, I was invited to a retirement dinner for one of my friends, Bill Kuhns.

Bill and I worked together for almost five years in the National Guard at the Mobile Public Affairs Detachment. It was a great job because everyone loved what they were doing and over the years we were recognized for excellence in Journalism.

When I arrived at Bill's house everyone was happy to see me because I hadn't been in the unit for two years. As I surveyed the room of journalists I had a feeling of pride growing within me that kept me smiling the whole evening.

There was Bill Putnam, who I mentored for several years and did all I could to help him take on the tough assignments for his professional development. He was the 2004 Photojournalist of the Year for the National Guard, the Department of the Army and the entire Department of Defense. That's like winning the Pulitzer!

There was Randy Wong winner of several Keith L. Ware awards for excellence in electronic news gathering for his work in Iraq. He was in Fallujah with the Marines!

Then there was Bill Kuhns the guest of honor who had enough journalism awards to wall paper a small bedroom.

Finally, there was I was standing within the circle of these immensely talented people and I was one of them. (I've got a few Army journalism awards myself.) I wanted to cry because I was so proud of their accomplishments and honored to have been with them along the way.

Even though I did not go to Iraq with them they carried on the standards that Bill Kuhns and I had set for the unit. When the soldiers would bring a story for me to review or photos to look at for the paper or magazine, I would say, "Is it good enough for a Keith L. Ware?" If they knew it was the best they could do, they would come back later and then we would review it together.

As I caught up with everyone at the dinner, I started to feel better about not going to Iraq because all the soldiers came home and they were recognized as the best of the best in military journalism and I was proud to be associated with them.

Weight: 145 lbs
Waist: 41.5 inches

Cravings: chocolate ice cream, big kosher dill pickles, water, ginger ale, grilled chicken sandwich, egg salad sandwich, salty foods, Reeses peanut butter cups.

Aches & Pains: The basic mobility problems which are getting worse. I could hardly walk the past four days and had to crawl up the basement stairs. I've been miserable and the sciatic pain is excruciating at times. But, then something helped. I asked my OBGYN if it was okay to use Lidocaine patches for the pain and she said yes.

The first night Doug put three patches on me and I had a good night's sleep. I could roll over without crying out in pain and I could get up to go to the bathroom without crawling. The change has been remarkable! I feel like a normal person.

Chronic pain is devastating, it affects all the people connected to the suffering individual. At home Doug has to do so much for me and at the office, Rachele has to bring everything to me and I can't do any photography because it's just too painful.
But now that I am using the patches, I can get some decent sleep and go about my day without being in agony while accomplishing simple tasks. Yesterday I almost had a pain-free day! The first time in about eight or nine months.

My business partner, Rachele, was amazed at me. I was so productive at the office. I created all of the marketing ads for the next six months and solidified the marketing calendar with our media outlets, made lots of phone calls and was happy all day. She asked me what happy pills I was taking. No pills, just pain reduction medication and now I feel like I can enjoy these last couple of weeks as much as a really pregnant woman can.

My hands are really swollen, go numb and they tingle a lot. Someone told me that's what carpel tunnel syndrome feels like. I had this experience with Finnegan and I know it's only temporary, but it difficult to grip things. At least typing is no problem.

Finn's adjustment: We are trying to get Finn used to sleeping in his own bed, but it's not easy. He'll fall asleep there, but then wakes up later and joins us in our bed. Since the new baby will be sleeping in the bed with us for several months yet, I guess it's okay for Finn to join us once in a while. We'll figure it out.

Names: We still haven't settled on a name yet, but I think we are getting closer. After all the preparations for a new baby, finding the name has taken more time than anything else. I just don't want to saddle a child with a weird name that they will hate. Or a name so common that they sit in a class with five other kids with the same name, but different spellings. (When I was in high school there were five Mikes in my English Literature class and we had to refer to them by last name.)

Weight: 145 lbs. Oh, no!
Waist: 41 inches Yikes!

Cravings: chocolate cake, donuts, hashbrowns, carbs in general. Chocolate shakes, cheese burgers, milk and water, water, water.

Weird dreams: I dreamt that I was with Martin Sheen and he was worried about what his grandkids wer eating.

Baby's status: Feb. 27th will be his birthday and we still don't know what his name is.

He's getting bigger and he's not moving as much as he used to, but when he stretches out it hurts. He'll probably be bigger than Finneganwas at birth, I just hope he's not a 10-pounder.

He's positioned himself right in front and he sticks straight out. People keep asking me if I'm having twins, which is really annoying. But, it can't be helped my belly sticks out about one foot from my body. It's pretty crazy. From the front I look pretty normal and I still have concave curves on the sides of my waist, but when I turn sideways, I can knock Finnegan over if he's not looking!

Aches & Pains: The weekend was terrible, I could barely walk. I basically crawled up the stairs most of the time and crawled on the floor when necessary. Taking several naps helped my fatigue level. But, I'm pretty miserable. Driving is uncomfortable because I can barely move after being in the car for more than 30 minutes and any distance of walking is just out of the question.

Doug has been helping me put on my socks and also applying pain patches to my back and hip areas. The lidocaine patches numb the outer muscles, but the deep pain is untouched. It takes the edge off though.

Night long sleeping is no longer possible. I have to rollover about every hour and it's hard to drag my left leg because it causes so much pain that I yelp and wince at every move. Each rollover is very calculated and takes minutes to complete. If I didn't have to go to the bathroom so much, sleeping would be a lot easier.

The latest addition to my long list of ailments is migraines. Saturday morning I was hit with one that lasted for several hours and put me out of commission for the day. Last September I suffered with five migraines. I need to be careful these next few weeks to limit the amount of migraines because I had at least one a week during the last month of Finnegan's pregnancy.

Good things: After a long discussion with Doug (he came to me after reading my last journal entry) we came to the conclusion that I need to ask for him for help. He can't read my mind and I need to get over the fact that I can't do everything as I once had.

It's hard for me to ask for things when it seems so easy to just get up and get what I want. Wait a minute? I can't do that anymore can I? So, part of my unhappiness with Doug last week was my own doing. I should not have roasted him soo badly in my entry. Sorry Doug, I'll do better next time.

Denial is a hard emotion to relate to especially when I have always been very active and self-reliant. The other nagging question in the back of mind is, "what will life be like for the rest of my life? Will I always be this challenged?" I hope not?

Fortunately, Doug has been really trying to help me out as much as possible. He's cooking dinner more often and breakfast on the weekends, with excursions to the local hamburger joint. And he's really trying to occupy Finnegan who is a bundle of energy so that I can get some extra sleep.

Emotions: This week I'm feeling much happier and loved by both the men in my family.
I'm starting to cry while watching the news and sappy commercials which I'm sure will only increase in frequency as the weeks go by. It's all part of the process.

I found this entry in my draft files and forgot to post it.

November 11th, 2005

A few weeks ago I was preparing a special dinner for my husband when my son came to me with a smelly diaper. Forgetting about my thick pork chops broiling in the over, we went down stairs to take care of the offending diaper. After about 15 minutes of wresting with Finnegan to get the new diaper on I remembered the pork chops in the oven. I whisked him up to the kitchen and discovered some crispy critters in the oven. The smoke billowed out of the oven and I ran out the back door to put the ruined dinner on the back porch.

While airing out the house and trying to think of something else to cook, I remembered that I had to take my evening medication. As I was getting my pills one of them fell on the floor and my four-pound Pomerian prompty ate the heaven-sent treat. At first I couldn't believe that I had dropped the pill until I saw him licking his chops. Back into emergency mode I frantically called the animal poison control hotline and was told to give him hydrogen peroxide to promote vomitting. I administered the required dose and watched him begin foaming at the mouth and then proceed to vomit all over the kitchen floor. It's tiled and easy to clean.

A while later, my husband returned home to witness the horrendous mess of dog vomit all over the kitchen floor and smoking critters on the porch and he said bewildered, "What happened?"

I told him the whole story as we ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches thankful that nothing really horrible had happened.