Today, I miss my Grandpa

Nine years ago, October 26th, 1995 was the worst day of my life.
That's the day that I was given a Red Cross message informing me that
my Grandfather had died. I wish that I still had that small piece of
paper that so unraveled my being in order to look at it when times are
tough to remind me that nothing could be as bad as that day. I
remember the raw pain of feeling left alone in the world. The harsh
reality of his loss struck me so hard that I couldn't talk or even
think of what I should be doing. I was incapacitated with grief and
just wanted to call him and talk to him one last time because I never
had a chance to say goodbye.

It took me a long time to mourn my grandfather's passing. Nothing
helped me. My every waking moment was filled with the thought of
knowing that my Grandfather was not alive anymore and my heart ached to
tell him how much I had loved him. I regretted that I never really
told him how much he had done for me. How he saved me from obscurity
and taught me that anything was possible. My sadness was deep because
I had lost the one person who had loved me unconditionally and asked
nothing in return.

If we are lucky, we may meet one person in our life who will love us
unconditionally and show us the joy that life has to offer. It might
be one of our parents, a friend, or a grandparent. My grandfather was
that person for me. He was my father's father and he took care of me
when I left home after high school. He was the most influential person
in my young adult life and today I still miss him.

I'm not grieving anymore, because time has made me realize that I had
been given a precious gift of love and friendship and that I didn't
need to say goodbye to my grandfather because he knew how I felt about
him. Because of him, I took advantage of the opportunities that were
presented to me. I was the first in my family to graduate from
college, the first female to join the Army and the first person to
become a commissioned officer. My grandfather was present for all of
these events and he was proud of me and I of him because he had
inspired me to never give up my dreams.

Today, I find myself doubly blessed because my husband is very much
like my grandfather in that he supports my goals and dreams and knows
that nothing is impossible. He is different in that he is my husband
and my life partner and would do anything for me. Nine years ago, I
knew he was special because he helped me through the grieving process
by just letting me cry without saying a word or asking for an
explanation. He was just there to support me.

It took a long time to get over my grandfather's death. But the one
thing that I did learn is this; one cannot experience true joy without
knowing deep sadness. Today I am thankful for all things that come
into my life, especially Doug.