May 24th, 2004: Sometimes being normal is the greatest thing in the world

>
> Yesterday, Doug & I went to see our OBGYN to get the results from a
> prenatal risk analysis.
> I was really nervous because at my previous appointment a different
> doctor told me that I had
> a 1:105 chance of having a baby with Down's syndrome. He also told me
> that if we discovered
> a fatal chromosomal disorder it would be best to terminate the
> pregnancy. As soon as I got the
> news I called Doug and met him for lunch. I was so scared to share
> the news with him. I was
> terrified that after three years of fertility treatment and finally
> getting pregnant, I would not have a normal baby.
> Or, be faced with the possibility of not having a baby at all.
>
> Fortunately, Doug is a very analytical guy and he noticed that the
> statistics on the fact sheet that the
> doctor me were 30 years old. Doug tried to calm me down by telling me
> that the statistics could not
> be relied upon because of the age of the study, he would find some
> better statistics. Later that evening,
> Doug came home and shared some current statistics that were much more
> favorable. After he told me
> what he had learned, I felt a little bit better, but not without worry.
>
> The days following April 29th, I was very sad while preparing for a
> trip home to visit Doug's family in Michigan for his sister's
> (MaryAnn) graduation from the University
> of Michigan. During the long flight my thoughts were preoccupied
> with how I was going to cope with raising
> a child that was different. I had terrible anxiety about it and I
> decided to withhold our news. I did not want to tell anyone in the
> family that I was pregnant because I was still afraid of a miscarriage
> and also worried about
> the outcome of the prenatal tests in the next four weeks. All I could
> do was pray and hope for the
> best, take my folic acid and get plenty of sleep.
>
> The trip to Michigan was extremely short. We spent almost as much
> time traveling there as we were visiting.
> I don't look forward to these weekend trips because it's too stressful
> on our bodies. Doug got a horrible cold and then
> I got it and couldn't take any medication to relieve my symptoms, not
> to mention the horrible back pain that lasted for about five
> days due to the cramped quarters on the plane. We are healthy again
> and happy too.
>
> So, for the past four weeks I've been under a great deal of stress
> knowing that I would probably have a baby with Down's Syndrome
> and had to grapple with the idea of a future where my hopes for my
> child would not be the same as for other parents. But,
> yesterday our lives changed. When my OBGYN told us that everything
> looked really good and that an amniocentesis would not
> be necessary I felt like I could breathe again. I watched as a huge
> smile spread across Doug's face and all I wanted to do
> was cry. Doug gave me a big hug and I felt like I could melt right
> there in my overwhelming sense of relief.
>
> It wasn't until we were in the car leaving the parking lot that I
> cried. Doug said that he was so happy to know that
> we were going to have a normal healthy baby and that's when I cried.
> Just hearing the word, "normal" made all
> the tears come forward and it was a long awaited release. Finally, I
> could look forward to being pregnant. I had been asking
> Doug days before, "When do I start feeling happy about being pregnant?
> When do I get to experience the joys of motherhood
> that everyone talks about? " As I drove home from my appointment, I
> knew that my journey was beginning and I smiled the
> whole way home.
>
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