Great expectations and the pursuit of perfection

All of my life I have been a perfectionist and now as I come closer and
closer to motherhood I am faced with making decisions about what needs
to be perfect and just what needs to get done. This past weekend was
Sara's wedding and of course I wanted the photography to be perfect, so
I started stressing about it. In May I sent my camera off to get
cleaned, fixed and software updated. But, that wasn't good enough so,
I went out and bought another camera, lens, 2GIG flash card and extra
equipment. Then I obsessed about how to pack the equipment and finally
after a week of preparing we left on a redeye flight Wednesday night.
Thursday was a rough day due to jet lag and worrying about the
rehearsal and the next day of photography. I was worried that I would
not be at my best because I was in so much pain from being cramped up
on the plane.

The rehearsal went fine and I was able to come up with my game plan and
get mentally prepared for the wedding day. After the rehearsal dinner
we went back to the hotel and had some dessert where we ran into Chad
with his groomsmen. They were in the bar smoking cigars and having
fun. After leaving the men to do their bonding I went to go over my
equipment again and prepared for the wedding.

Friday morning we were supposed to meet Greg and Carrie for breakfast,
but I could hardly get out of bed. My back and leg hurt so much that I
was afraid that I would not be able to stand all day let alone create
some beautiful photography. So, I told Doug to go without me and let
me get ready. I slept for another hour and then I slapped on a couple
of pain medication patches and prepared to dress myself. When Doug
came back from breakfast I was feeling better and able to walk fairly
well. I asked Doug to carry all of the bags in order to avoid
stressing my back or leg and I prayed that I would have the strength to
make it through the day.

At 11:30 we arrived at the hair salon to find Sara and I started
capturing some of the moments she would eventually remember for the
rest of her life. All the girls were excited and getting their hair
done. Around noon I was getting into the zone and I was not feeling
any pain just stiffness which I can handle. We were off to the races
and I somehow managed to function at my usual level despite the regular
chaos of a wedding day and being pregnant.

That day, Sara was the most beautiful woman I have ever photographed
and I was so happy to be related to her. Not only was she beautiful,
but she's so kind and loving too. Prior to the ceremony someone told
me that my job that day was a labor of love and it was. I would not
have been able to do it for anyone else except for Sara and our family
and I wanted it to be perfect. I had been anxiously awaiting Sara's
wedding since we were in Italy and I first saw her in her beautiful
wedding gown. On Friday she was more radiant than I have ever seen her
before. She was happy and glowing with excitement, love and joy. 12
hours later as we left the reception, I wanted to cry because I had
used up all of my energy, creativity and the pain was coming back to
me. But, I had succeeded and my labor of love was done.

On Saturday morning, Doug and I hosted a breakfast for more than 40
family members and I was finally able to visit with them. I was not
able to socialize the day before because I was "on duty", but now I
could relax and it was great. Chad and Sara made their entrance to a
round of applause and we were all happy to see them again. After
breakfast everyone went their separate ways and Doug and I were able to
spend time with Nick and Jude and Gloria.
We sat and talked in the lobby for a couple of hours and then went to
dinner. On the way back to the hotel the exhaustion started to kick in
and we all retired for the evening.

Sunday morning we all met in the lobby to say goodbye and then Doug and
I were the only ones left. After getting some breakfast we checked out
of the hotel and went back to Michigan State to walk a dog from the
veterinarian clinic. We met a nice female german shepherd named Cody.
She was great company as we walked around campus along the river and
the pathways with the sun on our backs. Cody showed us that she likes
squirrels and people. Walking with her was really great for her, but
good for me too. I got weepy a few times because my emotions from the
weekend were starting to bubble over.

After we took Cody back to the clinic we went back to Landon Hall to
take some more pictures of the campus. I wanted to capture more
details that I might have forgotten on Friday and I kept thinking that
I had not done a good enough job for Sara and I wanted to make sure.
Doug knew that I was obsessing again and he let me do my thing and I
suppose after 15 minutes it dawned on me that I needed to stop. So, I
put my camera away and I cried. Doug knew that I was really tired and
probably hungry too, but most of all that I just wanted Sara's photos
to be perfect. Doug took me to get some lunch and then we made our way
to the airport and the long journey home. Once we arrived at our
humble abode I relaxed and didn't even think about the photos anymore.
In honor of Chad and Sara we ate pizza, drank some sodas and watched a
movie. Our work was done and we were happy.

This morning I finally had the chance to view Sara's photos with a
critical eye and I cried tears of relief because everything was there.
Not only had I captured her beauty and joy, but the love the that Chad
and Sara have for one another. I realize now that sometimes my great
expectations are hard to live up to, but this time--everything was
perfect.