May 24th, 2004: Sometimes being normal is the greatest thing in the world
Yesterday, Doug & I went to see our OBGYN to get the results from a
prenatal risk analysis. I was really nervous because at my previous appointment a different
doctor told me that I had a 1:105 chance of having a baby with Down's syndrome. He also told me that if we discovered a fatal chromosomal disorder it would be best to terminate the pregnancy. As soon as I got thenews I called Doug and met him for lunch. I was so scared to share the news with him. I was terrified that after three years of fertility treatment and finally getting pregnant, I would not have a normal baby. Or, be faced with the possibility of not having a baby at all.
Fortunately, Doug is a very analytical guy and he noticed that the statistics on the fact sheet that the doctor me were 30 years old. Doug tried to calm me down by telling me that the statistics could not be relied upon because of the age of the study, he would find some better statistics. Later that evening, Doug came home and shared some current statistics that were much more favorable. After he told me what he had learned, I felt a little bit better, but not without worry.
The days following April 29th, I was very sad while preparing for a trip home to visit Doug's family in Michigan for his sister's (MaryAnn) graduation from the University of Michigan. During the long flight my thoughts were preoccupied with how I was going to cope with raising a child that was different. I had terrible anxiety about it and I decided to withhold our news. I did not want to tell anyone in the family that I was pregnant because I was still afraid of a miscarriage and also worried about the outcome of the prenatal tests in the next four weeks. All I could do was pray and hope for the best, take my folic acid and get plenty of sleep.
The trip to Michigan was extremely short. We spent almost as much time traveling there as we were visiting. I don't look forward to these weekend trips because it's too stressful on our bodies. Doug got a horrible cold and then I got it and couldn't take any medication to relieve my symptoms, not to mention the horrible back pain that lasted for about five days due to the cramped quarters on the plane. We are healthy again and happy too.
So, for the past four weeks I've been under a great deal of stress knowing that I would probably have a baby with Down's Syndrome and had to grapple with the idea of a future where my hopes for my child would not be the same as for other parents. But, yesterday our lives changed. When my OBGYN told us that everything looked really good and that an amniocentesis would not be necessary I felt like I could breathe again. I watched as a huge smile spread across Doug's face and all I wanted to do was cry. Doug gave me a big hug and I felt like I could melt right there in my overwhelming sense of relief.
It wasn't until we were in the car leaving the parking lot that I cried. Doug said that he was so happy to know that we were going to have a normal healthy baby and that's when I cried. Just hearing the word, "normal" made all the tears come forward and it was a long awaited release. Finally, I could look forward to being pregnant. I had been asking Doug days before, "When do I start feeling happy about being pregnant? When do I get to experience the joys of motherhood that everyone talks about? "
As I drove home from my appointment, I knew that my journey was beginning and I smiled the whole way home.
The days following April 29th, I was very sad while preparing for a trip home to visit Doug's family in Michigan for his sister's (MaryAnn) graduation from the University of Michigan. During the long flight my thoughts were preoccupied with how I was going to cope with raising a child that was different. I had terrible anxiety about it and I decided to withhold our news. I did not want to tell anyone in the family that I was pregnant because I was still afraid of a miscarriage and also worried about the outcome of the prenatal tests in the next four weeks. All I could do was pray and hope for the best, take my folic acid and get plenty of sleep.
The trip to Michigan was extremely short. We spent almost as much time traveling there as we were visiting. I don't look forward to these weekend trips because it's too stressful on our bodies. Doug got a horrible cold and then I got it and couldn't take any medication to relieve my symptoms, not to mention the horrible back pain that lasted for about five days due to the cramped quarters on the plane. We are healthy again and happy too.
So, for the past four weeks I've been under a great deal of stress knowing that I would probably have a baby with Down's Syndrome and had to grapple with the idea of a future where my hopes for my child would not be the same as for other parents. But, yesterday our lives changed. When my OBGYN told us that everything looked really good and that an amniocentesis would not be necessary I felt like I could breathe again. I watched as a huge smile spread across Doug's face and all I wanted to do was cry. Doug gave me a big hug and I felt like I could melt right there in my overwhelming sense of relief.
It wasn't until we were in the car leaving the parking lot that I cried. Doug said that he was so happy to know that we were going to have a normal healthy baby and that's when I cried. Just hearing the word, "normal" made all the tears come forward and it was a long awaited release. Finally, I could look forward to being pregnant. I had been asking Doug days before, "When do I start feeling happy about being pregnant? When do I get to experience the joys of motherhood that everyone talks about? "
As I drove home from my appointment, I knew that my journey was beginning and I smiled the whole way home.
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I didn't know you were interpreting a 1/200 chance as "probably" (for Down's Syndrome). It's hard to keep fears in check sometimes I guess.